to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
