you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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