Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
