Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Less talking, more tequila
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We need to get me chipped asap
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
