ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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