no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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