When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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