I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
