just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
