Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
