That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
