everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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