The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
