I am puke
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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