Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
