You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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