I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
this will be a night to untag.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
