Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
