I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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