where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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