White coat. Heels.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i barfeds in our rink
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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