Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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