We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
