I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
