We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
