let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
