I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
