trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
