Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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