im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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