I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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