'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
