I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
