sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
