End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
