The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
