Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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