Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's never too late to be topless.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
