Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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