you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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