i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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