Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
