Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
