I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
