Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
