did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
