i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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