He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
