I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
