My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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