Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
