If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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