I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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