I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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