They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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