I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
