He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He shit in the fireplace
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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