i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
