Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Let's paint friendship bongs
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
