You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
