she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
