i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
