Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
