Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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