Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
