i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
