Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
