Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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