on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
