i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
