11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
