So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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